I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're a waste of cheezeits
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
