As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
