Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
