it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize