He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
