Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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