I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
be right there i have to get my cape
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
