Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
