mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
