this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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