the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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