I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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