K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
