I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
