ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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