yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
