I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
