dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
