Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
