My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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