yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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