U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
