I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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