omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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