in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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