How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
