My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
