I faked an abortion last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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