Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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