Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize