Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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