Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
