as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
