I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
