Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
