Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
