And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So squirting runs in the family.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
