what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
