ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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