In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
