the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
