I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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