I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
