i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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