Whod you bang
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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