Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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