we have pet lesbian snakes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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