Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
