he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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