He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
