i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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