I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
