I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize