OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
