Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
