dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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