Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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