I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
