He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
