so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
