I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
