Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
