i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
