the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Boobs are out for the taking
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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