I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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