When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
