nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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