Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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