I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Randomize
