I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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