but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
