If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
