hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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