Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
