My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize