did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
