does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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