"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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